Oh wait, that's not Santa. That's Sinterklaas. He's the real deal. He's the guy that Coca-Cola ripped off to create Santa. He's a tall, skinny version with a pope hat and a sick golden staff. He looks like he could beat the shit out of Santa with that thing. On Dec. 6th he brings gifts to kids in Belgium and Holland. Not because of some lame religion, just because gifts are awesome. He comes down on his boat from Spain and brings oranges. He rides a white horse across the rooftops and he has slaves that go down the chimney to drop off the presents, and pick up the cookies and milk you leave him (plus a carrot for the horse - no joke).

If you're wondering who the dudes in the blackface are, well... those are his slaves. As a kid I was told their faces are black from going down the chimney, but as I grew I realized it was just straight up racism. People still keep up the chimney excuse, but then I wonder why they have big red lips painted on as well. The "black Petes" as they're called also like to run into class rooms and throw candy around. That shit is terrifying as a kid. I think they do it to scare you out of eating too much candy. Not sure.

Sinterklaas also carries a bag of presents just like Santa, but guess what else is in there? A stick. A stick for beating kids that were naughty. And if you REALLY fucked up, he puts you in the bag and takes you back to Spain. Dude just loves slavery I guess. Basically he is a hard version of Santa. A huge dude in a staff with a thing for kidnapping, not a jolly fatass. So that's Belgium in a nutshell for you. Slavery, racism, and free candy. Merry Christmas!

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