TOGETHER OR SEPARATE (internal dialogue pt. I)
Separate bills? What the fuck do you think? I am wearing a t-shirt. Do I look like a yuppie that invited all these people for a business lunch? Do I look like I am going to pay for all of them? Do you think I will be needing the receipt? Are you retarded? Actually though, thanks for even asking. At least you didn't just show up with one bill for seventeen people without asking. I mean great idea, we all have exact change on us, it's going to make things much more convenient. You shouldn't take the two minutes to do your job and print out a couple of separate bills. We all love math, especially after a hearty meal. LOVE IT. We love figuring this out while you stand there gawking at us. And don't you fucking look at me that way, I said I want to pay with my fucking debit card, and you aren't going to say shit. I know you hate it, but guess what, I have yet to tip you. So smile all the way to the counter, smile while you hand over the little machine with the little buttons, and smile while pretending not to see I answered "Tip?" by pressing the little button that has the little "0" on it. Fuck you. Separate bills, always, all the fucking time, do not even ask. If I really want to be that schmuck that goes 'I got it guys' and then argue with the other guy for ten minutes because he also wants it to be known he is a good guy with money, well then I would be a fucking douchebag. So basically, you are implying that I'm a douchebag. That's it, I want to talk to your manager.